Are you tired of being ghosted?
Ghosting is when someone you are talking to online completely disappears. They won’t provide an explanation, nor will they actually end the relationship; instead they will disappear from your life. This can be very upsetting, but sadly it is a fairly common part of modern dating.
Thankfully it is possible to reduce the chances of being ghosted. Here are five things you can do to prevent being ghosted.
How To Prevent Being Ghosted
It can be tempting to share your life story with every match as soon as you start talking, but oversharing is normally a bad move. It can make the other person feel uncomfortable if they barely know you, and if you talk too much about personal matters (such as your last relationship), you could give them the wrong signal. Remember that you have lots of time to get to know each other properly if things go well, so try to keep things light-hearted during the first few conversations.
Don’t Meet Up Too Quickly
Some people want to meet every potential date within 24 hours of matching, but this can lead to ghosting if you aren’t actually a good match. This isn’t always a bad thing (after all, it can prevent days or weeks of chatter with someone who isn’t suited to you), but it can be frustrating – especially if you are intimate with each other. That isn’t to say don’t meet up quickly – but perhaps have a few conversations before you decide if meeting up is a good idea.
You can also increase the other person’s interest by being mysterious. Talk about the most interesting aspects of your life without oversharing, and try not to be too available. This ensures you don’t come across as desperate or clingy, which can increase attraction.
Do Make Plans For The Future
If you’ve had a few conversations with someone and you feel like you are a good match, suggest some plans for the future (whether that is later that week, or later in the month). This will show the other person that they aren’t wasting their time, so they are more likely to continue to pursue you.
Has someone already ghosted you and you’re not sure what to do? If so, click here to discover texts you can send if you’ve been ghosted.
Finally it is important to seem actively interested in the other person. Ask them questions about their life and their day, and make a concentrated effort to keep the conversation going. Don’t expect the other person to do all the work, as this can make you seem disinterested.
What If You Still Get Ghosted?
So what happens if you follow all of the above tips and still get ghosted? If that happens, it is a reflection on them – NOT you. Many people have their own issues that result in them giving people the silent treatment. Let’s get into those reasons now.
Why Do People Ghost?
There are lots of different reasons why people ghost other people, and they are often linked to their own issues, rather than the other person. Here are some of the main reasons why people ghost other people.
Sometimes people sabotage future relationships because they have low self esteem. They don’t think that they deserve to be with someone, so they self-sabotage the relationship with radio silence. This can be painful for you, but it isn’t a reflection on you or your behaviour.
Emotional Unavailability Due To Mental Health Issues
Mental health issues (such as depression, BPD and anxiety) can make people ghost others. Some people with depression feel that they can no longer connect. They self-isolate and avoid contact, and thus abruptly terminate relationships with other people. Some people who have BPD may seek human connection when they are in a good mood, but they might avoid communication when they feel low.
People who suffer avoidant personality disorders want to know someone, but the internal push is often driven by intense fear of judgement and dismissal. Again, this isn’t a reflection on you, but you shouldn’t try to ‘save’ the other person; instead, move on with your life. Hopefully they will seek professional help for their mental health on their own terms, but that isn’t your responsibility.
Major Life Events
Some people struggle to start new healthy relationships when they are going through a major life event. Difficult feelings and emotions might require them to focus on self care, rather than finding a healthy relationship.
However it is important to be aware that this doesn’t validate ghosting. Remember that they could still find the time to let you know they aren’t interested in dating anymore (and remind yourself that you deserve to date someone with better communication skills).
Convenience Of Technology
Technology has completely changed the world of dating. Now people move very quickly, and many people are desensitised to dating. The experience is almost like people have monetized their dating experience; they’ll return something if they’re not satisfied and then proceed on.
Again, this isn’t a reflection on you; the right person will see you as a prize, not something to be returned.
What Does Ghosting Say About a Person?
If you’ve been on a few dates with someone and they have ghosted you, try not to take it as a reflection on yourself. A quality romantic partner would never ditch you without communicating why, as it doesn’t shoe any mutual respect.
Sure, it can hurt, especially if you used to spend time together, but their ghosting behavior is their own problem. They would rather hurt you than have a difficult conversation. They don’t care if this causes negative thoughts, and they don’t worry about the effects the social rejection will have on you. And you deserve better than that!
The Person Ghosting May Have Personal Issues
Sometimes people are not able to communicate well to others. Whether you met through a dating app, a mutual friend or a family member, try to move on so that you can find a more suitable romantic interest. It can be tempting to come up with implicit theories about why they ghosted you, but in reality the best thing you can do is move on (and focus on self care).
If you are struggling with feelings of low self esteem, consider speaking to a licensed clinical psychologist. They will be able to help you work on your self worth, so you are better prepared for your next relationship.