The Issue With The Friendzone

The Issue With The Friendzone

The ‘friendzone’ is a popular phrase that millions of people use – but there are some problems with the phrase. Here are two of the main issues with the friendzone.


1. The Issue With The Friendzone: Someone Wanting To Be Your Friend Shouldn’t Be A Problem

Someone likes you as a friend – and why is that a bad thing? Friendship is not a second prize; it is a prize in itself. Some of the most valuable relationships you have are not romantic. Someone likes and respects you enough to have a continuous relationship with you, and if you value the friendship it could enhance your life considerably. This is a good thing, not a bad thing.

Remember no-one is entitled to attraction. Sure, you may have wanted a romantic relationship with this person, but that doesn’t mean that the person has no value if they don’t feel the same way. Remember there are lots of other people to have a romantic relationship with, so you don’t need to put one person on a pedestal, especially if they aren’t attracted to you.


2. Friendships Can Turn Into Relationships

The other issue with the friendzone is that sometimes friendships do turn into relationships. Thinking that you have been ‘friendzoned’ creates a clear barrier between friendship and romance. It implies that you have to choose one or the other – and it also implies that once someone is a friend, there is no chance for them to be seen as something more.

In reality some friendships do develop into relationships (although of course this isn’t a guarantee). In fact, some of the most healthy, loving relationships start with friendship! So if you genuinely get along with the other person and your feelings aren’t too intense, you could have a great friendship – just make sure you actually see them as a friend, rather than waiting and hoping that their feelings will change. If you are already in love with them, don’t try to minimise your feelings to try and fake a friendship; this will likely end up with you being hurt.

Just be aware that friendship doesn’t invalidate romance. Feelings change over time; sometimes they may fade, and sometimes they may become more intense. So thinking that you have been ‘friendzoned’ could actually stop a romantic relationship from developing in the future.


3. Friendzone… Or Ghosting?

Of course it can be difficult to experience rejection, but that doesn’t always put you in the friendzone. Most of the time when someone rejects someone else, they have no intention of ever speaking to them again, but if you are ‘friendzoned’ it means they do want to have a (non-romantic) relationship with you. This can still be emotionally painful, but it does mean that the other person values you.

What do you think about the friendzone? Do you like the term or not? Let us know your thoughts with a comment.

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