You’ve started dating someone new, and you do like them. They are attractive, interesting and charming – the only thing is, they often make upsetting, negative comments that shock and confuse you.
Can you relate to this? If you can, it could mean that you are dating someone manipulative. Here are eight signs of manipulation when dating.
1. Signs Of Manipulation When Dating: They Belittle You
Your date often talks down to you; they make comments that imply your opinions or thoughts are less valid than theirs, and they are dismissive or rude when you speak. You may think that they are just having a bad day, but if this happens frequently it is likely they are making the comments intentionally. This is because you are less likely to argue back or leave them if you have low self-esteem.
2. They Only Care About Their Problems
They make every issue about them. If you have a hard day at work, they always seem to have had a harder day – and if you ever bring up issues in the relationship, they bring up a counter issue of their own instead of focusing on your concerns. This is because they are only interested in their own needs.
3. They Blame You For Their Own Actions
Whenever your date makes a mistake they get unreasonably angry, and they often find a way to blame you. They say it would never have happened if you didn’t make them angry, which is a clear sign of manipulation. They are using this tactic to never take blame or be responsible, and they are also guilting you into questioning your own actions.
4. They Control You
They are very controlling; they don’t like it when you see your friends or family, and they don’t like it when you go out without them. This is because they know that your loved ones truly care about you, so they worry that your friends will encourage you to leave them if you tell them about your relationship.
5. They Don’t Like You Having Privacy
They feel uncomfortable with the idea of you having privacy. They question why you have a password on your phone, and if you have a journal they often ask if they can read it. This invasive behaviour is normally delivered in the form of a guilt trip (“if you really loved me, you wouldn’t want to hide anything from me”).
6. They Turn Your Words On You
Manipulative people often twist other people’s words to favour themselves. They remember your own words differently to you, and if you try to explain what you meant they are unwilling to listen. This is because they are only interested in narratives that put them in a positive light.
7. They Control You With Guilt And Shame
They try to control you with shame and guilt. If you try to see friends they don’t like they may tell you that you are spending time with bad influences, and they often try to pass this toxic behaviour off as ‘looking out for you’. This means that you frequently feel guilty, confused and low.
8. They Are Frequently Passive Aggressive
When they are annoyed they make passive aggressive comments, instead of directly saying how they feel. This can make it difficult to resolve issues in the relationship, and it can also create a toxic living environment.