If you’ve experienced ghosting, you’re not alone. Around 80% of singles have been victims of ghosting, so it is a very common phenomenon – but what does it mean when the ghost returns? Do they want to get back together, or do they just want to waste your time?
It can be very upsetting to have your crush completely disappear out of your life with no warning, but it is something you can eventually come to terms with… unless the ghost keeps reappearing in your life. Thankfully it is fairly easy to work out the other person’s real motives; you just need assess their behavior towards you.
Here are six reasons why someone returns after ghosting you.
1. They Are Bored
One of the most common reasons someone appears again is because they are bored. This will be obvious because their return message won’t be thoughtful, nor will it address the ghosting; instead it will be a basic message like “hey” or “nice picture”.
This can be hurtful, but it is important to be aware it isn’t a reflection on you. After all, around a third of adults use online dating at some point in their lives, and not everyone is there to find true love; lots of people just want to flirt or hook up. So if you match with someone like this, it is likely they will try to flit in and out of your life as and when they please – even if you are a great catch.
2. They Feel Guilty
Most people who ghost won’t ever apologize for their behavior, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t feel guilty. They are fully aware that you had strong feelings for them, and they feel bad about disappearing out of your life without an explanation. This pushes them to reach out and message you, perhaps to see how you are doing – but after one or two casual conversations, they will fade away again. This can be very painful, especially if they just check in without apologizing, so try not to assume that their friendly message means they are still interested (unless they explicitly say so!).
3. They Want To See If You Are Still Interested
Sometimes ghosts reappear to find out if you are still attracted to them. They don’t actually have any interest in getting back together, but they want to boost their ego by confirming that you are still interested. This is selfish and unfair, but sadly some people are very selfish and unfair (especially when it comes to dating!), so cut them out and find someone who genuinely likes you for you.
4. Someone Dumped Them
A past fling may also make contact if their latest crush dumped them. Normally when this happens the person doesn’t actually want to see you again; they just want to you to stroke their ego and reassure them that they are dateable. So if someone ghosts you and then reappears complaining about a break up, don’t sacrifice your own feelings to help them; instead prioritize your own happiness, and leave the messages unread.
5. They Can’t Be Bothered Making An Effort With Someone New
Some people can’t be bothered finding someone new and creating a connection; instead they reconnect with past flings as it requires less effort. This isn’t romantic or charming, and it shows that they probably aren’t serious about finding true love.
6. They Actually Miss You
Finally a ghost may contact you if they actually miss you and still having feelings for you. This is rare; after all, if someone really likes you, they probably won’t ghost you to begin with! However it can happen, and if you like the person it could be worth giving it a second go – but only if they own up to their mistakes and apologize for ghosting you.