How To Write A Great First Message

How To Write A Great First Message

Online dating has pros and cons, just like meeting someone without online dating. One of the biggest issues with online dating is struggling to get past the “hey” messages. You want to meet someone and have a genuine, interesting conversation with them so that you can make a connection – but the conversations never seem to get past the starting point.

This is a problem that is actually really easy to fix. Remember that most people who are online dating want the same thing as you – a genuine connection! However you do need to make sure that you send the right kind of message if you want to have a proper conversation with someone. Here are 3 tips that will help you to both get more replies and have more interesting conversations.


1. How To Write A Great First Message: Take The Time To Read Their Profile

Some people send a “hi” message as soon as they see a profile picture that they like. Although this may seem like the right move the other person isn’t likely to reply to such a short and impersonal message. Most people receive a couple of messages like this a month (they may even receive messages like this every week or every day!), so if they are busy or only half-interested they might not reply.

The best thing that you can do is take the time to read their profile. Ask yourself, “based on their profile, am I what they are looking for?” If they are looking for someone who loves animals and is aged between 30-50 and you fit the criteria, go ahead and send them a message. If you hate animals and you are 59 it may not be worth it – and if you do message them, they may actually be a little irritated that you didn’t take the time to read their profile.


2. Start A Conversation By Avoiding General Questions

“How are you?” is a terrible question to ask someone you don’t know, as it is very unlikely that they will give you a detailed or accurate response because they don’t know you well enough. After all, it would be a little strange if they said “I’m alright – I had a long day because I was fighting with my family though. I wish I had a better relationship with my parents!” The likelihood is that most people will just say “good, how about you?” which means that you are back to where you started. For this reason lots of people simply ignore messages asking general questions.

Instead ask questions that will genuinely interest the other person. For example you can try asking about something they mentioned on their profile by saying; “I saw that you love Doctor Who – I’m a big fan too. Who is your favorite doctor? I’ve always loved David Tennant.” As you both share the same interests you should both have a lot to talk about, so it should be a long and fulfilling conversation!


3. Focus On Common Interests (And Avoid Talking Too Much About Looks)

A big part of love is attraction (or at least it is initially). For this reason it can be tempting to compliment someone’s appearance in your first message, but doing so can actually come across as shallow and meaningless. The fact that you are sending them a message indicates that you are interested in them, so stating your attraction on top of that is slightly unnecessary. The other person may also assume that you regularly message people complimenting their looks, so your compliment will lose value.

Try to send a message that highlights your common interests instead – it will make you stand out as interesting and memorable, and the other person is much more likely to reply. Good luck in your search for love!

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