Conversation has always been an important part of dating and finding love, but it becomes even more important if you are using online dating. You can’t rely on chemistry and natural attraction to see if there is a connection; instead, you share a few pictures and messages to see if there is anything there.

Here are five things women over 40 probably don’t want to hear.

1. How To Talk To Women Over 40 Online: Don’t Bring Up Your Ex

It can be tempting to say something like “Me and my wife used to…”, especially if it feels relevant to the conversation, but this should be avoided when you first start talking to someone new. You may think that you are just making conversation, but it could seem like you are not over your past relationship – especially if you bring your ex up multiple times.

Instead we suggest simply referencing yourself, instead of your relationship. For instance, if your crush brings up skiing, you could say “that’s cool. I’ve been skiing a few times before! What do you like about skiing?”, instead of “me and my ex-wife used to go skiing every year!”.

2. Don’t Pester

If your crush isn’t messaging you back, fight the urge to message again saying something like “are you there?” or “have I bored you?”. Not replying immediately doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not interested; it could mean simply mean that they are busy. So try to be patient, and if they don’t reply after a few days move on.

3. Don’t Over Compliment

If you’ve matched with a beautiful woman you may be tempted to tell her that she is stunning or perfect, but it is important not to go overboard. Of course you can let them know that you find her attractive, but fawning over her could make you seem desperate or insincere. We suggest going for something more subtle, such as “I’d love to get to know you more”.

4. Don’t Get Frustrated If She Is Disinterested

If she decides she isn’t interested, fight the urge to say anything like “well what was the point talking all this time?”. It can be frustrating when things end, especially if you saw it going somewhere, but getting annoyed won’t change anything – and it will stop you from ending on good terms. So if someone says they aren’t interested in dating you, take it gracefully and move on.

5. Don’t Get Sexual

This should be obvious, but don’t get sexual when you first start talking (unless she clearly states she is happy to have a sexual conversation). Most women aren’t interested in having a sexual conversation with someone they don’t know well, so tone it back until you are more comfortable around each other (and even then, she may still not want to send sexual messages).