How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated

How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated

Sometimes we fall for people who aren’t available. Maybe they are already in a relationship, or maybe they only see you as a friend; either way, moving on can be as difficult as a break-up. Thankfully it is possible to move on; you just need to change your mindset and make an effort to put yourself first.

I know it’s weird being hung up on someone you didn’t even date. But emotions are not rational – even love. Hoping for a relationship with someone will keep you trapped emotionally for a long time. You must the door so that another door opens, as we say. This will help you to heal and move on. We are going to discuss a couple ways to overcome someone that you never met.

Here are six tips to help you get over someone you never dated.


1. How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated: Grieve The Relationship

It is normal to feel grief when a relationship ends, even if the relationship was one-sided. So give yourself a few days to grieve and feel sad; feel your feelings, cry if you need to, spend time with loved ones, and partake in some self-care activities (such as enjoying a bubble bath with candles). Letting your feelings out will make it easier for you to process them, so you can start to move on.


2. Give Them A New Position In Your Life

If there is no chance of a romantic connection with your crush, assign them a new position in your life. This could be stranger, acquaintance or friend; just make sure to remove the crush aspect from the way you frame the relationship in your mind. Sure, the strong feelings may still be there for now – but picturing the relationship in a different way will help you to begin the process of moving on so that you can actually find a healthy relationship in the future.


3. Change Your Behaviour

Once you decide on their new position in your life, change your behaviour to match that. If you decide to remove them from your life, make a conscious effort to actually do this; stop communicating with them. Stop texting them and remove them as a friend from your social media accounts. If you decide to keep them as a friend, create distance by seeing them less frequently (and avoid date-like situations, such as meeting them at a bar). This will help to establish the new platonic relationship in your mind, so you can finally break the romantic thought process in your mind. If you are struggling to change your behaviour, consider seeking professional help from a relationship coach.


4. Train Yourself To Stop Thinking About Them

If you really like someone, you may find that your brain is constantly filled with thoughts and fantasies about them – even if it is someone you never dated. This can make moving on nearly impossible, so try to train your brain to stop thinking about them. When you do catch yourself thinking about them, try to refocus your brain on something else. Exercise, call a friend or watch a comfort TV show; whatever helps you to stop thinking about them in that moment. Online therapy can help with this.


5. Make A Plan To Avoid Them While You Move On

Even if you know that you need to move on, it is still likely that there will be times you are tempted to talk to them. You may hope that they will change their mind – but if they aren’t into you, the best thing you can do is move on.

So we suggest setting up a plan to reduce the chance of you contacting them. This could be deleting their number, or it could be writing a letter to yourself that you will read before reaching out. This will reduce the chance of you contacting them, which means you won’t relapse on your progress.


6. Try To Be Happy For Them If They Are Dating Someone

At the beginning of moving on it may feel impossible to be happy for them if they are in a relationship, but as time moves on your feelings may change. You may realise that you were incompatible in the long-run, or you may realise that their partner makes them genuinely happy. Either way, try to mentally wish them well – and then go back to focusing on your own life.


7. Try Journaling

Journaling can be an important coping mechanism for someone who is feeling sad and doesn’t want to talk. You can write about how you feel using words, or you could draw pictures if that is more helpful for you.

When we get thoughts from our minds and put them into words, we’ll have better healing. Be kind to yourself and don’t set any deadlines. Don’t try to rush the journalling process; just try to learn a little bit more about yourself every time you pick up a pen.


8. Connect With Friends And Loved Ones

Although you can’t have that person you want, your life is full of wonderful people that make your life better. So take some time to connect with a good friend or a family member. Stay busy; plan more fun trips with friends to help you avoid negative emotions. Although it is vital to process the emotions you experience, the rumination of feelings can be harmful. So spend time with other people that you care about. Give yourself permission to return home – you must not fear rejection.


9. What To Do If This Happens Often

While falling for a person who hasn’t returned your feelings can be an unusual experience, it might help to consider the reasons behind it if it frequently happens to you. Ask yourself these questions; does the idea of rejection really scare you? Do you think you easily develop strong feelings for people? Do you find dating really stressful? Do you tend to put people on a pedestal?

Answering these questions will teach you more about your dating style. You may also want to consider talking to a mental health professional if you realise you have attachment issues. This will help you with moving forward, so that you are more likely to find a real relationship in the future.


10. Keep Busy And Work Towards What You Want

Avoiding your feelings isn’t helpful to the healing process – but neither is wallowing in negativity. So keep busy doing things you enjoy, whether that’s yoga, seeing friends or getting on with work. This will help you to focus on other things in life you want to advance in a healthy way, which will help to improve your mood and your mental health. Ideally it will also help you to forget all about your crush and learn more about yourself instead!


11. Make A List Of What You Want Out Of A Partner

Write down at least three qualities you want from future partners. This will allow you to work out what really matters to you, which means you are more likely to find a compatible relationship once you decide to start online dating again. This will help to speed up the healing process, and it also allows you to envision a happier future.


12. Work On Restoring Your Self-Esteem & Confidence

Think what is good about yourself. Write down things you are proud of. For instance, you may be working on improving your mental health with a mental health professional. Alternatively, you may be proud of how kind you are to others.

It can also be helpful to write about other things. You may want to write about happy memories to remind yourself how great life can be, or you may want to write about your talents. We each have varying talents; some people can run really fast, while others are avid readers.

When it’s difficult you ask friends or a family member to share what you believe is your strongest strength so you can grow your confidence. This is a great way to boost your self esteem, even if you still feel sad.


13. Respect Their Decision

Even if it hurts, it is important to respect their decision. However don’t forget that your emotions are important as well. Be aware that you can respect their choice while also respecting your own feelings. Give them a bit of time to focus on themselves, and during this time prioritise caring for yourself. This will allow you to become your best self, so you will be ready to find a healthy relationship in the future.


14. Make A “Moving On” Playlist

Pick songs that make you happy, confident, and optimistic. Alternatively you might like to listen to some songs that will help you cry a lot.


15. Make Room For Someone New

If you feel ready, consider opening your mind to the possibility of a new relationship. If you want to meet a new person, our dating website is a great option. After all, you can match with people from all over the world!

However it is important to make sure you are truly ready to start dating again. Don’t start dating new people if you’re still in love with your ex, as this could ruin a potential new relationship.


16. Use Guided Imagery for Confidence & Self-Love

Utilizing meditation is a great way to enhance your self-confidence and self love. There are several great YouTube channels for meditation that you can check out, including lots that feature guided meditation.

Guided meditation is aa relaxation technique that features positive, optimistic images that help you to visualise a better life. Various studies have found that guided meditation can be very effective, especially if you’re struggling with your self esteem.


Is it harder to get over someone you never dated?

As weird as it might seem, getting rid of someone that you never had a romantic relationship with is surprisingly difficult. You have similar feelings of sorrow or anger (like you would if a real relationship ended). You may have negative thoughts and lots of what ifs, even if you were never in an official relationship.

Remember that this is normal, even if it feels strange. The best thing you can do is acknowledge your feelings so that you can start moving forward. This is the first step towards moving on so that you can enjoy life.


What makes getting over someone you’ve never met so difficult?

It doesn’t take long to get someone to forgive you and get back to someone you never met. After dating someone the relationship will be a little more complex. If you’ve not had a relationship with someone before, you will often have unknown things that you wonder about. You may also find yourself struggling to form other relationships or attachments because the idea of how things should look if someone was in a relationship with that person.

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Amy Johnson
Written by Amy Johnson