The Scene: A bar, Anywhere, USA. A pub, Anyshire, UK. You’re just hanging out with your posse (or your friends, if that’s how you roll) having a few drinks and scoping out the ladies. There’s a pretty good selection, you’re single, and you’ve got the tingle to mingle. A few tips for you, gentlemen, if we may.
Do: Ask us some questions about ourselves.
Don’t: Forget our name.
Really Don’t: Ask us if it hurt when we fell from heaven, or anything remotely similar. Just…don’t.
Don’t: Wink. Unless you are extremely skilled in the art of the wink and have years of practice. Right now, you just look creepy. Really. Stop.
Really Don’t: Mimic sex acts with your mouth, tongue and/or hands. Has that ever worked? Anywhere? On anyone?
Do: Charm us with your accent and general charisma.
Don’t: Assume that all you need to do to woo us is be British and speak with an accent. Put a little effort into it dude!
Really Don’t: Be a cocky jerk.
Do: Buy us a drink. Thank you. How sweet!
Don’t: Assume we want a cosmo, just because we’re girls. Some of us can shoot our whiskey. Unless we’re feeling cute and girly, in which case we reserve the right to order an appletini and get pissed off if you make fun of us.
Really Don’t: Assume that drink entitles you to an evening of unbridled, steamy passion. Seriously? You bought us a $7 vodka tonic and you think that’s guaranteed admission to the pants party? Is that all we’re worth? We are women, hear us roar, etc., etc.
Disclaimer: Admission to said pants party may sometimes be only one $7 vodka tonic. We and only we will decide when the discounted ticket will be sold and to whom. All rights reserved.
Do: Make a move, if we’re sending you signals.
Don’t: Make a move, if we aren’t sending you signals.
Really Don’t: Misread the signals.