There is lots of dating advice on the internet about people who are emotionally unavailable, but most of them simply tell you to avoid dating anyone who is emotionally unavailable. This isn’t bad thing; after all, dating someone who is closed up emotionally can be very difficult.
But what if you are an emotionally unavailable person who wants to open up? What if you want to change and grow, so that you can have a more fulfilling love life?
If so, we can help. It is entirely possible for closed off people to open up, even if it seems impossible initially. Here are some tips to help closed off people come out of their shell, so that they can have a much happier dating experience.
1. Be Honest With Yourself About Past Relationships
If you are emotionally unavailable it is likely that this has affected your previous relationships. So if you want to change and grow, you should start by sitting down and acknowledging the problems that existed in past relationships due to you being closed off. Maybe your partners wanted you to be more present, or maybe they wished you were better at communicating.
This can be difficult, as thinking about criticism can be a little upsetting. However it is important to be aware of the effects of being emotionally unavailable if you don’t want to cause the same problems again in the future.
2. Think About Why You Are Emotionally Unavailable
Why are you emotionally unavailable? Some people aren’t available emotionally because their parents didn’t teach them about emotional intimacy, while other people are unavailable because they were hurt badly by someone in the past. So be honest with yourself about your childhood and your past relationships, and see if you can work out the main cause of your unavailability.
3. Be Open About Your Insecurities
If you start dating someone new try to be open about your insecurities if they come up. This is because you can’t change overnight, so it is important to communicate with your date about your emotional issues. This will make it easier for them to understand you, and it means that your crush is less likely to be confused or hurt by your actions.
Being open about your insecurities will also help you to open up and communicate. This may seem scary, but it is an essential part of being emotionally available!
4. Set Two Little Goals To Help You Open Up
Once you have a better understanding of why you are emotionally unavailable you can start setting goals to help you open up. Avoid setting a big goal that isn’t very specific (such as “I am going to be more open) – instead set two small, specific goals that will help you to be more open. For instance, you could say that you will call your crush every few days (instead of just texting), or you could say that you will try harder to listen when your crush is upset.
5. Make Sure You Are Changing For The Right Reasons
Finally you should make sure that you are changing for the right reasons. You shouldn’t change solely to make your date happy; you should change because you genuinely want to change for yourself. This means that you are more likely to stick to the change, even if you stop dating the person that you are currently dating.